I was visiting Crystal Jigsaws blog when she mentioned she was a loner. I thought of how much we are alike even though we don't know each other. Parts of her life are different then mine but there is a lot we share.
I was raised in a foster home. I had a great foster family but I was always 'that girl Mrs. North raised.' Sometimes, I think she was the only one who saw me as her daughter and not 'that girl'. I had a great family but I always felt like I was the little kid, standing outside the window of home where a family lived. I watched all the did, but I knew I could never be a part of it.
When I was in high school, I was the one who sat in the back of the room and just tried to melt into the wall. I liked school but I never felt part of any group. I had a few friends but preferred just walking my dog or reading my favorite book.
Married, I never felt part of my husband family. When the others all had kids and I did not, I felt like I was again, outside that window, watching a family and not being a part of it. I envied my inlaws because they were part of a family and I was not. (my mother in law loves me dearly and was shocked when I talked to her about this one time. She said she always loved me like a daughter)
But I am a loner. I am happy being alone most of the time. I have friends and I do see them but I am not the party going type. I go to things and have fun but I want to leave when I am ready so I can get back to my hobbies and just my alone time. I like it.
It does not bother me that I live out in the country with my animals. People will say, you have a lovely place but I could never stand living out here. It is too quiet and lonely. I am not lonely. There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely.