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Monday, May 18, 2009

Remembering me...

I told you of the problems I have been having with my knee in a previous post. Well, Saturday I was talking to my mil and standing with my back to her as I spoke. She said something and I turned. Just then a loud cracking sound. I ended up having to go to the hospital. They took xrays but did not see any breaks. However they feel the cartledge has been pulled away from the bone and it is either stretched badly or torn. I cannot get an mri done til the 27th. My dr. is full til then. He is going to call me if he has a cancellation. I will have to stay off and keep it elevated most of the time.

I was so bored with it today. I was in pain but the vicoden helped.
Anyway, I decided to write a letter to my famaily and tell them what all I wanted done when I died. I even told them who all to notify and and what I wanted in my obit. I had been thinking of doing this for some time. My husband and I have been married for over 30 years and have never really talked about what all we wanted done.

I told my husband what I did and that I was putting it in the bible so he would know where to find it. He laughed and said, 'My God, you really are going nuts over this, aren't you?'

Am I the only who thinks we should let our families know what we want done when we pass. I do not want any big funeral. I want buried as cheaply as possible and I want my body to go to helping others if there is anything they can use. I think it is important for me to let them know that so they are not wondering what mom would want.

I do not want flowers. I do not want them to grieve. I want them to grieve in this way---

Remember me with smiles and laughter
As I shall remember you all
If you remember me with tears
Don't remember me at all.

(that is not the exact words to that poem but you get the idea of how I feel and I like that wording better.


  1. My parents talk(ed) openly about what they want when they die and my own family does as well. We don't do it as if it were immanent and morbid - we laugh about it a lot. Personally, I don't really care what they do - I won't be there - so they can do whatever will help them (as long as they do it cheap). Medicine can do whatever they want to a point - but I want there to be something left to cremate and I've told my kids to take a little of my ashes on holiday with them and spread me around. I have no clue if they will actually do that as it is somewhat of a joke.
    I don't wish to go into a cemetery - my Dad died a few years back and there hasn't been a single time I've wanted to go "visit" - in any case, my mother went alone to scatter his ashes. I vaguely know where but don't care anyway. He's in my memory.

    I think talking about it or, in your case, leaving a note with your wishes is beneficial for when the time comes as loved ones will not necessarily be in a rational state of mind and likely easy prey for a greedy funeral director.

  2. I've just taken out a pre-paid funeral plan, so's everything is sorted NOW! Hopefully, It'll be a long time before anyone has to find out if it is or not! x

  3. I'm with You! They should know! And the only way they Will know is if we tell them! Good for you!hughugs

  4. I just felt it would be less a burden on them if they knew. I also have a living will so they know that is my wish. No hooking up to tubes for me if there is no real hope of me bouncing back.

    Jeannie..I don't visit the graves but I do put flowers on for Memorial day. But going to stand and talk to them is silly for me. But we all must do what we have to do when grieving.

  5. My mother who passed 2 years ago this June had everything bought and paid for...she even had the songs picked out...her preparation did make it easier on my sisters and myself...it was nice knowing it was what she definitely wanted.

  6. Garnet I think what you have done is a wonderful thing, the most unselfish thing you could ever do. I too have everything paid for and planned, not for me but for my family. I do hope your knee will feel better soon, pain does make us think of what may lie ahead for us and that helps us make choices that may be hard for love to make at an emotional time......:-) Hugs

  7. Your thoughts and wishes are similar to mine. Although I haven't set mine out formally, I've mentioned them.

    I hope your knee improves. I don't envy you the mri. Sometimes, I think I'd rather be sick than go in there.