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Saturday, June 12, 2010

What does one say?

This morning I found out the niece of a dear friend was murdered a few days ago. While others were tossing questions to her left and right, I was too stunned to say much of anything. I could see she was uncomfortable with telling he details of the murder. Apparently her 26 year old niece was divorced and was thinking of reuniting with her husband, who was the father of her three year old girl when her boyfriend attacked her and stabbed her to death in her home. She was so devastated and people seemed to be bombarding her with questions. All I could say was how bad I felt for her family. I just felt stunned by it all. I wanted to do more but what can you do or say in a case like that?

Grilling the relatives of someone who has died in such a violent way is not the answer to ending their pain. People often seem like vultures perching on a limb waiting for bits of gossip about the loved on to drop so the can spread the news and embellish the details. I don't think most are like that but some are and sometimes I think it is best not to say anything at all to them till they are ready to talk and talk without questions being thrown at them.

I guess just be there for them. This is the third time this has hit me. My best friends son o'd ten years ago and there was little I could do for her but I was always there to listen and I guess that is the best I can do for anyone who is faced with such a horrible tragedy.Another time my friend had her brother commit suicide in front of her and her mother. Not only did he do that but it was the second time one of her siblings killed themselves. Not only was the suicides terrible but the way the people talked to the family and treated them was terrible. My husbands family had three suicides in it and I know first hand how cruel some can be in times like that. Sometimes we offer all the cliche's but it just sounds so hollow. I think just being there for them to blow off steam too or let them have a shoulder to cry on when they need it is the best we can do.


  1. Sometimes it's best just to be there but be silent.

  2. People are insensitive. They are curious. They love the drama. They are hungry for details. They don't even notice that they are violating someone.

    Your friend will hopefully recall that you were not one of the vultures when the shock wears off. Perhaps you should phone or stop in in a couple days to see how she's holding up.

  3. Good Lord sweetheart! You're right, silence and a hug...
    People gawk at wrecks on the highways...it's ghoulish....too nosey for my taste.
    Big hug to you Girl!

  4. This is so sad. You are so right, there are no words for such tragic things. You are wise and a good friend in just letting your friend grieve. So often we think we need to fix or take away someones pain instead of just letting them be and being there for them. I am sure your friend appreciates it.

    I am really thankful for this opportunity to stop by your place. Thank you for stopping by my place and for your kind words. God willing I will be back again soon! :) XX Lori