Popular Posts

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

When a friendship dies

We have all experienced death in one form or another.  Whether it be the death of a loved one, the death of a beloved pet, or the death of a friendship. I think the death of a friendship is very hard.  Harder then many want to admit.  Perhaps it is because there is always the hope we can be reunited with the loved one we lost, or the pet we lost but with a friendship's passing, it is just a loss.  Not as severe as the death of a loved one but a loss just the same.

I have  been thinking lately alot about the friendship I lost.  It was a very special friendship to me.  I looked upon her as the sister I never had and always thought we would be close til the end of our lives.  Where ever one of us went, the other one was there.  Whether it was on camping trips with our husbands, shopping, or those movie nights she and I shared curled up in front of the television, eating popcorn with her two boys lounging on the couch with us.  We went through so much together.

I don't know what happened to end our friendship.  Perhaps it was her move to a town about a half hours drive from here.  I don't think that was it but who knows.  Perhaps it was because of the affairs her husband had and she thought I knew about them.  I suspected but never really knew for sure. Her husband was like a brother to her husband but the affairs he had drove a wedge between them. My husband knew of the cheating but I did not and he just seemed to have less and less time for his friend.  Later, he told me it was because his friend was using him as an excuse to go out and meet his girlfriend.  Many times he would tell his wife he was going some place with Bill when he was seeing his girl friend and
bill did not like that.  I don't think their split should have affected our friendship but perhaps it did.  Or, perhaps it was because we were growing apart. I never thought we were but she may have.  I really don't know.

I do know that I have sent her several letters and cards since her husband and her divorced.  I have stopped her in the store and spoke to her but it was like speaking to a stranger.  She has never returned my calls or answered my letters.  Silly, but I have thought of seeking her out on facebook to see if she is there.  I am willing to try that.  What can I lose?

I just miss her so much at times. 

Her son has visited me several times to tell me about his his life and his son. He rarely mentions his mom except to say she is well when I ask about her.

Oh well...I just wanted to share my thoughts on this since I was thinking about it this morning.


  1. I had a lifelong friendship with someone. Looking back, I realize that while I was always there for her, she was unable to return any kind of compassion and was more inclined to kick me when I was down. When my husband required a quadruple bypass, she was silent (she never liked my husband). And when I opened my tanning salon, she sniped at me. And when I was overwhelmed with work and suffering from severe chronic pain, she sniped at me more. The last time was the last time. I did not respond to her email. And haven't made any effort to contact her since. I realized that she did not place the same value on me as I had on her. She has made no effort to reach me and it's been a couple of years now. I have no idea if I'll ever see her again and really don't care to if the friendship was only ever one sided. Perhaps it wasn't - maybe she had other issues but I felt quite betrayed.
    It sounds as though your friend felt that you were a part of her betrayal - that everyone was making a fool of her and she just couldn't bear it. The fact that you did not keep secrets from her doesn't matter. She suspects you and simply can't trust you any longer. Unjustified but it would be very difficult for her to overcome that pain. If you want to keep trying, include a note with the next birthday or Christmas card explaining that you didn't know about her husband but you are very sorry that you never told her your suspicions either - it would have been very awkward if you were wrong about it. Ask her forgiveness and leave the ball in her court. Be prepared to accept that the friendship is over.
    To everything there is a season.

  2. I bet you will get quite a few comments regarding this. We've all probably felt like this. I know I have. Two thoughts come to mind. 1) who knows what her husband told her. she may have even thought you were involved with him. stupid yes but a possibility nevertheless. 2) she's so hurt and embarrassed and everytime she thinks of you it just brings up all the pain. Perhaps you should just write her a card and say "I honestly don't know why you are avoiding me and I miss our friendship. Maybe you will contact me down the road but till that time I wish you nothing but love and happiness." What more can you do?

  3. I would like to thank you both for your comments. I still do not know what I am going to do on this issue. I am going to think on it a bit longer before deciding what I will do.

    Jeannie...thanks for the reminder that there is a season for everything. *s*

  4. Maybe a letter to her explaining how you feel, and making clear your friendship is still on offer, might do the trick? Then at least you will know you have done your best. Good luck! :)

  5. I'm with Jinksy. If you haven't already, send her an honest note including some of the stuff you mentioned here. And then be prepared to let it go. I have come to realize the truth in the saying that some friends come for a reason, others for a season, and some for a lifetime. Here is a blog I just found about friendship. Perhaps it will help.

  6. I agree with this article! I had a good GF and not with her now..but she always meets me at many place where we were before! The feeling is different! anyways thanks for sharing!!