I awoke early this morning to have breakfast with my hubby before he left for work. I don't get to do this often because he is a shift worker and does not always have breakfast here. Shift workers miss out on alot of things with family and it is nice to share breakfast with him when I can. One more year of this and then he can retire. One more. Right now we are counting the months and it won't be long til we will be counting the days.
He is planning a hunting trip to Illinois the November and we are both trying to think of a place we can go for a few days this summer. I like short vacations. I don't know why but I would rather take a few short vacations thn one long one. I would like to spend a few days with my cousin this year. She and I get along good and she is a great person.
One time after her husband had died, she called and was not sounding right. She was talking about how happy she was to be selling some of her things and sorting things she wanted her kids to have and putting them in marked boxes. She was also sorting out photographs and deciding who should get what.
I said something like, "you'v kept busy."
She said, "Well, it won't be long til I am up on the hill beside Bill."
I did not like that at all. I said, "Oh, will be a while"
She said , "No. It will be before Christmas." (this was like in August)
I did not like the sound of that at all so I called her eldest daughter as soon as I got off the phone. She said, "Oh my God! The dr. put her on prozac after dad died las year and he told us to watch for signs of suicide but she has not talked that way to us." I said, "Well, she has to me and I hope you do not tell her I told you because she calls me and tells me things she might not tell you."
"Oh, I won't." she said.
I waited a few weeks before calling Donna. "Oh, it's my guardian angel," she said. She proceded to tell me that she really was planning on ending it all but the girls (she has three) and her son came over the day after I called and they convinced her they needed her and asked her to stop taking the prozac. She did and her outlook on life improved. That was a few years ago and she is going strong and getting out and seeing people, doing things she never thought of doing before. She is enjoying life the way her Bill would have expected her to do.
I often wonder what people did before we had pills to fall on when we lost someone? We do not want to feel the pain of grieving so we pop a pill. I am not condemning anyone for this. I have no idea what it is like to lose a husband. I lost my mom but I had my rocks, my Bill and my God to depend on. I know I will be devastated if he goes before I do but I will have my faith in God to see me thru. I won't say that I will never take pills for it but I hope I am strong enough not to take them. I think they just postpone the real grieving process and often cause people to have suicidal thoughts.
I am glad I have my cousin, who is only a phone call away when I need a shoulder to cry on, to talk to today. I do not feel as though 'tattled' on her. If I did, then I did but it was for a good reason.
She is with me and I will always cherish her as a friend.